It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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