I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
