she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
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So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
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