what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
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