I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
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