I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
