hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
