I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
