If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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