I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
