Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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