he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
