You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
