so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
