we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
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He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
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i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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