Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Randomize
