if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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