take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Randomize
