apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
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Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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