Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
