i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
