i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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