dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
