how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
