the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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