I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
