he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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