Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
