Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
