We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
