i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
you will always have a special place in my vag
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
