I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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