YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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