In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize