I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
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I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
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I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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