yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
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