you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
