tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
