dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
