So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
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I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
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But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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