Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
