I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize