Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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