u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
