Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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