i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize