it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
