I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
