you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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