I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
We were destined to go to rehab together
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
