I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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