Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Randomize
