So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
there is puke in my bra ... again
Randomize
