He kissed a someone with a penis
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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