All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Randomize
