You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
