i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Randomize
