i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
