I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I could fuck to npr.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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