It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
did i just pee glitter
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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