sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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