at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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