my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
