I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
