This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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