i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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