So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
