Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Randomize
