I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
