marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize
