just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
