I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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