I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
