she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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