she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Randomize
