What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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