why do cheetos always look like penises
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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